“Would you be doing what you are doing today, if it was your last day?”

I have spent some time contemplating whether what I’m currently doing with my life is right or not because to be very honest, doing something with all your heart for two years which you thought was the thing for you and shifting to something which possibly seemed like an emotional career choice leads you to foundational crisis, you tend to question yourself a lot, repeatedly. More importantly, because you find yourself starting from the very base and for a person like me who wants things to go my way, I find myself in that pit more often than a lot of people around me.

There was a point in the last two years where I wrote because that was my only escape, I wrote between classes, I wrote while I took study breaks because being a science student can easily suck out the life from you and I was scared, writing made me feel alive, it still does. Somewhere while planning my future as a 15-year old, I aspired to retire as a writer. The fact that you dream of becoming something else even after you have possibly achieved the most stable career is an indication to do what you truly want to and not what you are meant to do.

I, for a month kept telling myself, maybe I have made a mistake, maybe I shouldn’t have let go of my medical counselling but the only thing that kept me going was this time the voices in my head were softer and less recurrent than when I took up science after X. Doesn’t mean I hate or hated science.

Things in this relatively new city have worked out smoothly, till now for me than most other things in my life considering how indecisive I am.

All that I have written above doesn’t really mean, I have my life sorted now or have my shit together. No, I absolutely have no idea what’s next but one thing I certainly know is that me waking up every morning and looking forward to the day is optimistic because I have had days when I didn’t want to face the day simply because I didn’t enjoy what I was doing, having been there, I know this isn’t the same maybe this doesn’t seem a very realistic plan towards life but it surely seems like a content, no regrets plan.

“Would be doing what you are doing today if it was your last day?”

From the answer being, “No.” to it being, “Yes.”

One thing I know for sure is that I have learnt to be black and white with my own self rather than being shades of grey, which maybe not significant but is still progress, it is still growth.

One thing I know for sure is that I have learnt to be black and white with my own self rather than being shades of grey, which maybe not significant but is still progress, it is still growth.